Phat Mack Eyeballs The Flicks

Proud Mary You didn't see any guns: check. Gang wars: Fall guys. Bad people: check. Downtown Foxy Brown: two-gunning like Leon Lai. Hennessy: must we have these stereotypes? Plot: Not much sense. Needed: cliche-free script. "If you love me": "Let me go." "Don't turn your back on me, woman": "Don't you walk away from me!" Could have been better written by: a Tweet bot. To the rescue: Tina Turner. Special Blaxploitation Scoring: 12" Afros: none. 'Fro picks: none. Nik Nik shirts: none. Leather trench coats: none. High-waisted bell-bottoms: none. Once I stopped waiting for it to get good, I sat back and enjoyed watching it . Wait for network TV, then check it out.

  Black Panther Hot chicks: With spears and shaved heads. EMS: Bad guys; tattoos; superpowers. Dancing: Let the Challenge Begin! Q: High School girl invents sneakers. Let the refugees in: To South Korea? Piper Cub: Seoul => Johannesburg VFR. Let The Challenge Begin II! Fight Scenes: Surreal, stylized, silly. Focus puller: Uncredited. It kept my attention after the first fifteen minutes. Wait for the dollar movies, then check it out. Caveat: I don't really like supermovies unless they're sendups. This one was probably in the upper quartile of the few I've seen. I liked the villain, Ullyses, and kept rooting for him. If they made a movie about him, I'd tough it out and go see it.

You Were Never Really Here Category -- Killers & Kids: Whoops, wrong thread. (stolen) Music: dystopian. I need: my space. Sound: Brutal. Flashbacks: Very artistic, I'm sure, but unresolved. Score! Next time, don't make me wait. Stomach wound: Here, have a pill. Psycho: another remake. Doll house: Telltale Heart. Plot: Unraveled but never ravels. I didn't like this flick when I saw it last night, but woke up this morning thinking that I may have brought too much baggage to it. Some of you might like it. If you think you might: check it out.

Wick 3 It always rains: In New York City! New York Public Library: Spoiler: Allows patrons to re-shelve their own books! Walt Coogan: Played by John Wick! Audi TT: One horsepower! Horse Fu; Comanche Fu! Morticia Adams: Played by John Wick! Same suit: Different continent! Finally: Belly Dancers! Rick Blaine: Played by John Wick! A girl: and her dog! Sit!: Jerry Robinson's revenge! Omar Sharif: Played by Ricardo Montalban! Sushi Fu; Flip Phone Fu; Laurence Fishburne Fu! Everything I hoped it would be... Spoiler: ...some of the stunt-dog scenes had me gasping and rising up out of my seat... ...a masterpiece of a shooter game brought to the screen without the shooter game first! Check it out! Spoiler: To be continued!!!

Upgrade Google Car: HAL 9000. The Six Million Dollar Man: A boy's best friend is his mother. Crutches: Throw them away. He's got a knife: We've got a knife, too. Bot on Bot violence: check. Drone Fu, Google Car Fu, Implant Fu, Blade Runner Fu, Baby Hitler Fu: check. Cross, double cross, double-double cross. Would have been better as a dark comedy, but that train has left the station. Worth checking out, but OK to wait for TV.

Uncut Gems Ethiopia: Chosen People! KG: Don't lean on the glass! Sports bettors: R U wet? I never placed a bet with that money!: No touching! What were you selling? Your hot [NSFW]? It was not nice: What you did to me! Sports bettors: Sure, they slow down the game, but they hate money! Bad Beat:      Spoiler:           I spent Xmas watching a movie about a hoops junkie!      Suck-out:            Spoiler:                 Not a bad little flick! Check it out!

 Terminator: Geriatrics a.k.a Terminator: Dark Fate Problems with static electricity: Please use proper grounding! Snowplows in Mexico City: check. Obligatory Junkies in a drugstore scene: check. Mifune/Musashi flyswatter scene: check. Mother Mary: comes to me! The wooded hills of Laredo: check. I can change diapers efficiently and I am extremely funny: check. Potato chips: Internet of ****! Aerial delivery: Saves the day! Noche de los Muertos: Terrible mess to clean up! Much better than you are expecting it to be. Ahnold and Sarah acquit themselves well, and there are enough young people to keep the movie regular. Check it out.

A Star is Born Very Loud Music: How cool is that? Etta James: Drag queen. Trigger Warning : Singer/songwriters. Pea-Can: For god's sake, learn to speak. Trigger Warning : Somnophilia. Shooters: Make everything better. Trigger Warning : Wind farms. He's OK: He does this all the time. Trigger Warning : Puppies and bathtub love scenes. The Way Out: Wedding Chappelle. "No Smoking": "Fine, thank you." Pretty Woman: I wasn't drunk the whole time. Just as horrific as I thought it would be, but no more idiotic than the other iterations of this ridiculous movie. I had a great time! But in the end something was missing -- some bit of character development, or perhaps music theory. Lady Gaga: what a set of pipes. Check it out.

Spidey-Man: Into the Cartoon Spidey-Verse! Bitten by a spider: 10 years ago! Your shoe's untied: I know! Everyone knows: It's a puberty thing! Spiderless Brooklyn: They're everywhere! Spidey is Dead! Long live Spidey! In case of fire: Use the stairs! 22 years ago: I was bitten by a spider! Homeless corpse: He's got a bagel! Hot Chick with a Shave Undercut Spidey-Fu; Porky Pig Spidey-Fu; Kawaii Shibuya Girl Spidey-Fu; Sam Spade Spidey-Fu; Anguished Metrosexual Spidey-Fu. A leap of faith: Chrysalis! Rapping Spidey: Does the Flagpole Whirl! Gets a little confusing towards the end -- apparently the animation team dropped acid (I mean that in a good, Loony Tune-ish way) -- but easily the best superhero movie ever made. Surpasses even Lego Batman. A strong contender for best picture of 2018. Check it out.

Sorry   to   Bother   You S.T.T.S.: Out of order. Windshield wipers: exploit the proletariat. WorryFree: Power Caller! ****  You ! Phones Down! 35% of the men who wear pink are more likely:  To  start a franchise. New suit: What's that music? The Last Dragon : Loungers prolly the only ones  to  have seen it (Vanity!). *********, *********, *********: *********. Jade Door: Spoiler: Sorry , no spoilers. Minotaur: Equesapiens. I was telemarketing before: telemarketing was cool. Political, yet a fun watch. Good music. Check it out.  

Solo Bowery Boys: Steal a space ship. Hot Rods & Hot Babes: check. The Defiant Ones: Chewie's big chance at an Oscar! Saved by: Woody, where nobody knows your name. The Great Monorail Robbery!: check. Ruh-roh: pirates! Party scene with weird robots: check. Hot Rod Babe: is back! Robot Wars: no longer politically correct. Bar scene with weird aliens; poker scene with call & raise: check. Wookiee Liberation Army: check. 20,000 Leagues Under the: Gravity Well. Pirates again: Road Warriors. Mad Max: The Little Red-Haired Girl. Chewie: always has to carry the luggage. Wtf? "I'm yours." Great. Too much mushy stuff but otherwise a really fun flick. As good as (no, better than) any Star Wars movie. Check it out. 

Snowpiercer 2013 Planes, Trains and Automobiles? Nope, another dystopian allegory straight from the Bong. Planes, Trains and Automobiles? Nah, just trains. Curtis, is it time? Not yet--soon! This time: We take the engine! Sacred Engine: check! Is that a: Marlborough Light??? Guy from The Host: Sleeps in a drawer! Girl from The Host: Train Baby!! Disco Car, Sauna Car, Aquarium Car, School Car, Easter Egg hunt: check. I know what people taste like: Babies taste best! Quest for Fire: Rae Dawn Chong? Nanook of the North!!! Eve and Adam: Appetizers for polar bears! Engineer: Mission Control! Blatantly Sci-Fi. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I've never seen a bad Korean flick. Check it out!

Out of Sight (1998) Edited by: Anne V. Coates Glenn plaid suit: So we know who the hero is. I'm a Federal Marshall: And you're under arrest! Albert Brooks: is funny. Don Cheadle: 's greatest role until Miles Ahead. "Bones" Barboni: Is now a daddy! Steve Zahn: 's greatest role. J-Lo: J-Lo. Watch the love scene flash between the bar and the hotel room and you'll understand why Anne V. Coates was so "legendary."* Find it on the big screen and check it  out . *Dom

Ong-Bak (2003) Mud People Staring at a tree: check. Stunningly photographed: check King of the mountain in said tree: I’m glad we didn’t think of this game when I was a kid. If we can recover Ong-Bak: Young Ting. Trigger warning: Asians playing baccarat. Strung out Gambler-chick: I have double 9. Parkour Fu: check Knives for sale: check. Ting runs on shoulders: Looney Tunes. Big Bear Fu; Beer sign Fu; Refrigerator Fu; Penny Fu; Underwater Fu; Rope Fighting Fu: check. Tracheostomy Smoking: check. Burmese Junkie Fu; Six-rigs-at-a-time Fu; Fire Fu; Lots of Instant Replay Fu; Sword Fu; We’re back to Rope Fighting Fu; Buddha Head Fu: check. Ultra Noir Cinematography. I've only seen two Thai films, as far as I can remember, and they both knocked my socks off: this one and Chocolate. The both really get noir right. And a little googling tells me that they both have the same director and choreographer. The worldwide rights were purchased by Luc Besson who released District B13 a year later

  One   Piece   Stampede I don't follow  One   Piece , but maybe I should. The protagonist, Monkey D. Loofy, AKA Straw Hat, is a Naruto type, but is a pirate instead of a ninja, and is a lot less married to maintaining a coherent story line. Gorgeous colors on the big screen, catchy soundtrack, absurd story line, and bizarre Engrish (it's also available in dubbed showings) make the whole thing trippy and strangely compelling. Might make a good candidate for enhanced viewing. Maybe 10 seconds of exposition, the rest is pure action. Check it out.

One Cut of the Dead Cute chick on zombie violence: check. Do you have any hobbies? PON!!! Action! The key: Might be in the bag! It's me: Open the door! Action! Don't: Come near me! An axe: Lucky me! What the hell: Follow the Script! Roll: The credits! The greatest movie since: Flamenco Carmen! One half hour: One camera: One cut! Cute chick on zombie violence: check. Do you have any hobbies? PON!!! Action! The key: Might be in the bag! It's me: Open the door! Action! Don't: Come near me! An axe: Lucky me! What the hell: Follow the Script! She gets: Lost in her roles! It wouldn't be a crane shot: Without gym class! Roll: The credits! Roll: The credits! Impossible to really write this one up without spoilers. This is the most fun I've had watching a movie in years, and I can't imagine having more fun at a movie for a long time. Half the audience had seen it at Fantastic Fest last year, and had to come back for this showing. If you like zombie movies: check it o

Once Upon a Time In Hollywood   Wanted Dead or Alive: Spoiler: Bounty Law! Gunsmoke: Spoiler: Bounty Law! Don't cry: Spoiler: In front of the Mexicans! Ghia convertible: Spoiler: Not stock, and not even close to stock! Coolest car since: Spoiler: Harper! My Baby Sent Me: A  Letter! This Is the House That: Jack Built! The only thing good about 1969 was: The music! Playboy Mansion: check. Band of Brothers: Spoiler: Perfect! Short talented guys: Spoiler: Who look like twelve year-olds! First movie since Blade Runner: Spoiler: To cameo a 1961 Imperial! This image has been resized. Click this bar to view the full image. The original image is sized 700x524. Bitchin' yellow Coupe DeVille: Spoiler: Brad ****ing Pitt makes Caddys cool! Plenty of Zippos: Zippos make for great movies! It's nice to see: Spoiler: Pit Bulls portrayed in positive affirming roles! Trigger warning: 1969! There are two groups of people: Those who remember 1969, and those who don't. I have no ****ing idea

My Neighbor Totoro Is that our home? Yup. Wtf is in the kitchen: Acorns and galloping dust bunnies. Mom: In the hospital. Waiting for Godot: at the bus stop in the rain. Cat bus: Too cool for words. Cat bus interior: Pimp! Magic Nuts: Jump over the garden. It was a dream: But it wasn't a dream. As good a kid's movie as you'll ever see: check it out on the big screen.

Millionaires Express (1986) Sammo Hung: check. Chinese Marlboro Man bounty hunter in Siberia: check. Snowball rolling down a hill trick: check. Steam Engines, Shanghai, brass bands, stilt walking, blown railways, motorcycles with sidecars: present and accounted for. Hill bandits: appearing through the generosity of The Magnificent Seven via Seven Samurai. Slapstick Fu, Samurai Fu, Ninja Fu, Whore Fu, CIA/Interpol Fu, Gatling Gun Fu: check. Sherlock Holmes: Never gets laid. A tasteful combination of a Keystone Kops remake of The Wild Bunch, with a Sergio Leone remake of It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World filmed in China. Easily the greatest movie ever made: Check it out. edit: Same movie sometimes called Shanghai Express.

Mid 90s Street Fighter 2; Breakin'; D.A.R.E.; Shorty's; Droors: Fashion T's. Jesus smoked: Kools. Come back with: Some skills. If a doctor gave it to you: Can it possibly be bad? Let's go and check out: Angela's room. Series of 90s LA skater vignettes hung on a coming-of-age frame. They don't fit perfectly; it stops without ending. Talented actors. Fun to watch. Check it out .

  MI6 Skydive scene: check. Obligatory men's room fight: check. Disco fight: check. Motorcycle chase through Paris: basically, the whole movie is a chase scene. In other words: C'était un rendez-vous. (And I mean that in a good way.) Then some mushy stuff: check. Then some plot devices: check. Then some more Alec Baldwin: check. Then some parkour around London: check. Then a helicopter chase: check. Ending: literally a cliffhanger. Some more mushy stuff: check. Some dreadful acting from Angela Basset and Henry Cavill, but who cares? Maybe the best MI since 2. Maybe the best ever. Check it out. "The world needs IMF!" -Angela Basset

Kiki's Delivery Service (1989) Thirteen years old and leaving home on a broomstick: Check. Talking black cat: Jiji on the make. Transistor radio: Hadn't seen one in years. Black is all she wears: Minimalist sophisticated elegance. Stuffed cat in a birdcage: Nana to the rescue. Herring and pumpkin pie: FedEx it. I'm losing my powers: Straighten up and fly right. Hindenburg Disaster: Re-imagined for the Silver Screen. Beautiful story telling. Check it out. Take your daughter.

Isle of Dogs Gang warfare: Dog fights? Drone warfare: Slingshots. Little Pilot: Spotsu. Spotsu? No, Sport. Seven Samurai Theme Song: check. You've got papers? Student revolt: puppy love. I wasn't always: a stray. Far away: cuticles. Cannibal dogs: check. I enclose a check for: ¥1,000. Bryan Cranston's greatest role since Malcolm in the Middle. Perfect in every way. Check it out ! Historical tidbit: I don't know of any Cat Mayors, but there once was a Dog Shogun. He handed down laws that dogs couldn't be killed or mistreated. The dog population exploded and legend has it that his retainers were forced into poverty by the costs of feeding them all.

How to Talk to Girls at Parties Trigger warning: Intergalactic Sex. Super Trigger Warning: God help me, I am now a Nicole Kidman fan. Trans-world tourist destination: Croydon. Croydon: It's where the after party starts. Go up to the one who looks loneliest: And speak in short admiring sentences. I sense some: Tension. Young love running through the park scene: check. Aliens in the Burger King scene: check. I sense there are some contradictions: In your metaphor. You must leave now: No one knows why. The inter-species sex is fun to watch, but may be confusing as aliens keep growing new appendages. Mild amatory cannibalism . Fun watch of 80s Brit punk scene . Check it out .

Hands on a Hardbody Eat something heavy: It's gonna take you down... It's like a movie I saw: Highlander. She started laughing. She said: Holy Ghost! Norma may surprise me: She's a little bit spiritual. Thirty-seven hours: Have you always smoked non-filters? Our judges are: Strictly volunteers. I'd compare it to: Killing a deer. Our god is an awesome god: Dance 'til it comes. I have no idea if this documentary is known outside of Texas, but at one time it had a cult following here, especially among poker players. I can remember guys in their 50s and 60s, who probably had never owned a social security number, sitting around the table and talking about the reads they had picked up watching it. If you have a chance to, check it out.

Black Butler: Book of the Atlantic (dubbed) Dubbing: annoying at first, but then I got snapped in and enjoyed it. Passenger liner crashes into an iceberg: Not an original plot device, but it works here -- there's a word for putting in an element that the audience will be familiar with, but I have no idea what it is. Zombies: Yeah, they're in here, and I'm sick of them, but they were different and amusing, especially when they were bobbing around the iceberg <I guess I should have put that as a spoiler, but wtf, I already mentioned the iceberg>, so I'm OK with the zombies. Titanic: Played by The Campania. Miyamoto Musashi: played by 13 year-old, green-eyed, blonde twin-tailed, blue-blooded Lizzy, to great and lethal effect. Grim Reaper(s): Not as amusing as Disc World's Death, but still innovative and fun. If Kurosawa had lived long enough to animate a British Steampunk Zombie Samurai movie, it may have ended up something like this. If you're not familiar w

Green Book 1962 goombah on goombah violence: check. Hot dog on hot dog violence: check. How about: some quiet time. They're actually staying at: The Schenley. Virtuoso: Italian! I can't do this, Tony: Eat the god damn thing! Love letters: Stuckey's pecan logs. I know it's: a complicated world. Dignity: prevails! The world is full of: Lonely people afraid to make the first move. Juke joint redemption: BANGxBANG. Criticisms concerning whitewashing of 1960s racial problems are misplaced. This is a good flick that makes some interesting observations. Sorry I didn't see it sooner. Check it out.