Phat Mack Eyeballs The Flicks

Blade of the Immortal (2017 Live version) Kill count in first 2 minutes of flick by pre-immortal samurai Manji: +/- 100. Blood worms: Not just for catching stripers in the surf. In the Edo Period, Japanese women: Wore clubwear, thigh highs, 21st Century hair colors. Extra bonus: Slutty shoes! Jfc, was this thing written by Neal Stephanson? Nothing that horrid -- in fact it's OK to take the whole thing tongue-in-cheek. Samurai: Why are they always standing on roofs? The comic books, the cartoons and now the live-action: Pretty much impossible to follow, plot-wise. But? Manji has stopped wearing a swastika on his back. Kawaii Swordsman (Swordsgirl?): Doesn't get any kills, but is still pretty damn cute! Unforgiven, Billboards, and now Blade of the Immortals: when revenge porn goes wrong. You're lucky, you can die! Check it out!

Tokyo Ghoul Special Preview Alert! Bruce Willis has remade Death Wish! Perfect for our times! Guns! Vigilantes! Live action: somehow I thought anime. Cute girl cannibal: stone cold killer. Otaku: not just for breakfast anymore. Human/Ghoul transplants: whoops! Pink eye: contagious. Cops: fashion icons. Cops: pick on little girls. Tentacle porn: check. Tentacle fu: check. Nerd fu: check. Ghoul on Ghoul violence: check. (At least I think it was violence -- it may just have been rough sex.) Karate Kid: check. Mr. Miyagi: played by ghoul alpha female. Shimizu Fumika: in her greatest role (so far... (...or at least since Hentai Kamen)). There's a moral at the end of the flick, but I lost it in translation. I don't know what possessed me to see this movie, but it was the most fun I've had since the 1st Night of the Living Dead. By all means check it out.

 6-1-2017 Wonder Woman Lectures: Nope, none. No more or less silly than any other superhero movie. Nothing to be afraid of here. Wonder Woman:           Spoiler: Gets laid. Sammy Davis, Jr.: Wears a fez. Cliff Clavin: Wears a kilt. "Chief" Bromden: Tours Bleeding Belgium. Trigger Warning : They could have found a role for Scarlett Johansson in a cat suit, but didn't. Action up to Hong Kong standards? No, but CGI buffs will like it. Trigger Warning : Laws of physics --           Spoiler:  Take a beating. Check it out, but unless you're a real buff, OK to wait for TV.

City Hunter (1993) Wile E Coyote: Played by Jackie Chan. Movie? Real life Looney Tunes. 1960s Batman: Ka Pow!!! Clown Fu; Skateboard Fu; Field Hockey Fu; Cruise Ship Fu; Fog Horn Fu; Boobs Fu; Hamburger Fu; Baccarat Fu; Ricky Jay Fu; Rube Goldberg Fu; Bruce Lee Movie Fu; Micro Computer Fu; Jump Rope Fu; Pole Vault Fu: Rough Sex Fu; Very Rough Sex Fu; Streetfighter 2 Fu (extended version (You Win!!!)). The culmination of 20th Century artistic achievement. Probably the greatest, and the only, T & A Kung Fu Jackie Chan movie. Controversial. You love it or you hate it. Breathtakingly politically incorrect. Check it out.