Phat Mack Eyeballs The Flicks

Lady Bird High School Movie: check. Sacramento: check. Parochial School: check. Prom: check. First sex: check. In-crowd/out-crowd: check. The high-school-teen-angst movie has stood at the apex of American film making since the end of WWII, and Lady Bird may be the best of the lot. But I'm not sure it will find much of an audience: no grody gross-out scenes, no gang fights, not even a car chase. Still, it is so realistic that it is compelling. By all means, check it out. "Six inches for Jesus!"

Kizu   Monogatari  1, 2 and 3 Best Line: "Why are you rubbing your cheek against my stomach so dearly?" Runner Up: "And why is my school uniform ripped?" Honorable Mention: "If I can't die for their sake, I don't call a person a friend." Gruesome Grisly Carnage: Check. Trigger Warning : Big Boobs with a 12 year-old face. Trigger Warning : Big Boobs with a 500 year-old face. Boob Fu: I've waited 35 years to write that. Vampires: Check. Trigger Warning : Japanese Teen Love. Kiss Shot: Pure killer, but not in a pool hall. Zonker: Shows his dark side. Sora Nagihara: Comes very close to showing up in the final scene. But doesn't. Trigger Warning : Frustration is a key element of Japanese adolescent erotica. Weird manga graphics that switch back and forth between representational and ideographic styles: Check. Extremely interesting and extremely entertaining (the audience was gasping and howling in places), and in the end, completely incomprehens

Julieta Almodóvar flick: Check. Funny Almodóvar flick: Weird funny but not haha funny. Husband gone: Check. Suspenseful? No. Daughter missing: Check. Suspenseful? No. Do I believe Spanish fishermen live in seaside villas? No. Do I believe that anybody other than a few weirdo pool players in the People's Republic of Texas know who Patricia Highsmith is? No. Do I know who Alice Munro is? No. Ending? Uh, well, the credits roll. Interesting? Sure. Always fun to see what people in foreign lands (Spain) are up to. Do I know why this flick was made? No. Am I glad I went to see it? Strangely, yes. Check it out.

John Wick 2 2-13-17 Camaro Fu; Mustang Fu; Neck-Tats-Fu; Seneca-Cosplay Fu; Disco-Party Fu; Stair Fu; Violin Fu; Pencil Fu; Sumo Fu; JHS Hallway Fu; Subway Fu; Pigeon Fu (Fishburne Fu (Appleby's Fu)); Museum Fu; Deaf Dancer Fu: Check. Duck Fat Fu (sorry, I had to do it): Check. Acting : Seldomly deployed, but the squeamish may wish to avert their eyes when plot elements require advancement. Myriad gangsters from myriad cultures: Check. Their accents: Teddy KGB, each and every one. Somebody do a body count. Check it out.

Ingrid Goes West 8-21-17 Stalker: check. Crazy Chick: check. Batman: check. Cat Woman: check. "Food, drugs and Joan Didion": check. "Tupac said there would be days like this": check. Valley girls online: check. Can you make a movie out of Instagram: no. I have no idea what possessed me to go see this movie. Bad drugs? No, I can't blame everything I do on bad drugs. It's time I took responsibility for my own actions...

In This Corner of the World 8-31-17 War sucks: check. Women and children: always take the worst of it. The color of the sky: touches her heart. Makes a marriage: check. Seasons pass: check. Loses her niece: check. Surrender: check. "I still have my left hand and both legs:" check. Her marriage: survives in this corner of the world. Great storytelling . I was expecting Grave of Fireflies, but this is unique . Check it out .

 I Am Not Your Negro 2-20-17 Cool footage from the 60s: check. Not as bad as I thought it would be: check. Doris Day: Not sure what she's doing in there. Point of view: Unknown. (Most documentaries are selling something. Nothing wrong with that, it's the art of the sale that makes them interesting. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what this flick was selling.) But Baldwin came across better than I remembered him at the time. Check it out.

A Hijacking "Kapringen" Danish ship gets hijacked by Somali pirates. The film has a beginning, a middle and an end, but I'm not sure I can honestly claim it has a plot. Probably should be categorized as a "Dumb****s with guns" movie, but it doesn't have the (tension releasing) violence of a Wild Bunch. Instead there's not much action -- it's a psychological duel featuring boardroom on boardroom violence -- most of the filming done in a conference room of the Danish shipping company and in a cabin on the hijacked ship as each group tries to maximize EV. The story covers a whopping four months of negotiations. Despite my description, the flick held my attention for the whole hour and three quarters. But I couldn't help but wonder what the same production company could have done with that Stanislaw Lem story about the Space ship that invades Earth, but leaves when it realizes it can't cope with all the paperwork. Worth seeing. Unconventional. C

  Gimme Danger People talk about how important and influential The Stooges were, but in the end, you gotta let The Stooges be The Stooges. MC-5: check. Ann Arbor, N.Y., L.A.: check. "I don't remember getting arrested": check. Nico: check. Communists: check. Junkies: check. Taxi drivers: check. Silicon Valley Sony executive: check. Took themselves seriously: not so much. All rock movements start out as music, generate fashion statements, then descend into business. The Stooges resisted. They also provide a sterling example of how we should conduct ourselves in these troubled times. Mandatory viewing for all anarchists.

 01-21-2017        The Founder      21 JAN 2017 Norman Vincent Peale: Not just for Trump. Canadian Club: Omnipresent. San Burdoo: Check. Golden Arches: Check. Do it for America! Check. Milk Shakes: Milk-free. Krok gets it right: Never quite. Punches Pulled: None. Good flick. Surprised it got made. Not sure I laughed in the right places, but I never am. Thought provoking. Check it out! 

ELLE French people having sex: Check. Old French people having sex: Check. Cat watching old French people having sex: Check. Mass murder: Check. Plot twists within plot twist within plot twists: Check. In other words, a French movie: Check. Spoiler: How many rape scenes: Couldn't say. Kept my interest the whole way. And before Zeno or somebody comes along slamming the French, remember who it was who gave the world not only Lafayette, but Freedom Fries. Check it out.

Colossal Cute Idea: Check.

Darkest Hour Booze for breakfast: Drexl, The Early Years. Lily James: Reprising her role in Baby Driver as the world's prettiest girl. Elisha Cook Jr.: The fourth son of an earl. France: Must be saved! Cicero: Never found his book, but at least they found him. Peace or victory? No, up your bum. Unwanted: And a little bit scary. Subway Cabinet: Present *and* accounted for. Loved this flick. Played me like a violin. Check it out!

Bling Ring   Interesting movie about kids who are, regrettably (but, alas, not tragically), uninteresting. Very good tone. Much better flick than I was expecting. Check it out. Side note: watching these kids can go a long way towards explaining why poker has been so good these past ten years.