Phat Mack Eyeballs The Flicks

Blade of the Immortal (2017 Live version) Kill count in first 2 minutes of flick by pre-immortal samurai Manji: +/- 100. Blood worms: Not just for catching stripers in the surf. In the Edo Period, Japanese women: Wore clubwear, thigh highs, 21st Century hair colors. Extra bonus: Slutty shoes! Jfc, was this thing written by Neal Stephanson? Nothing that horrid -- in fact it's OK to take the whole thing tongue-in-cheek. Samurai: Why are they always standing on roofs? The comic books, the cartoons and now the live-action: Pretty much impossible to follow, plot-wise. But? Manji has stopped wearing a swastika on his back. Kawaii Swordsman (Swordsgirl?): Doesn't get any kills, but is still pretty damn cute! Unforgiven, Billboards, and now Blade of the Immortals: when revenge porn goes wrong. You're lucky, you can die! Check it out!

Tokyo Ghoul Special Preview Alert! Bruce Willis has remade Death Wish! Perfect for our times! Guns! Vigilantes! Live action: somehow I thought anime. Cute girl cannibal: stone cold killer. Otaku: not just for breakfast anymore. Human/Ghoul transplants: whoops! Pink eye: contagious. Cops: fashion icons. Cops: pick on little girls. Tentacle porn: check. Tentacle fu: check. Nerd fu: check. Ghoul on Ghoul violence: check. (At least I think it was violence -- it may just have been rough sex.) Karate Kid: check. Mr. Miyagi: played by ghoul alpha female. Shimizu Fumika: in her greatest role (so far... (...or at least since Hentai Kamen)). There's a moral at the end of the flick, but I lost it in translation. I don't know what possessed me to see this movie, but it was the most fun I've had since the 1st Night of the Living Dead. By all means check it out.

 4-9-2017 Your Name Is (Kimi no Na wa) Trigger Warning : Some visuals emulate psychedelica from late-60s/early-70s. Trigger Warning : Includes realistic depictions of time unstuck-ed-ness. Trigger Warning : S.M.O'D. makes guest appearance. Trigger Warning : May contain content from Star Trek and Goodfellas. Trigger Warning : Ending may not be as advertised. Trigger Warning : Film transcends genre. Comet Fu: Check. I'm a girl: Check. I'm a boy: Check. Boobs: Always getting action. Time: Unstuck. Searching: Always. Radwimps: Easy to listen to. This one surprised me. Innovative, original, weird. I expected to like it, but was surprised by how much. By all means, Check it out .

 2-21-17 Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind I thought I had seen this animation before. It's considered the first Ghibli. Turns out I had never seen it -- but might have read some of the comic books. Anyway, it was really fantastic. I had a great time and can't recommend it enough. Post-Apocalypse: Check. Princess Heroine: Check. Cute pet: Check. Fanciful Flying Machines: Check. Warring Tribes; Warring Species; Warring Ecologies: Check. Sword Fights: Check. Kinda Like? -- Dune. Sand Worms? -- No, Doodle Bugs. Really, really, really good. Check it out.

 9-19-2017 Napping Princess Every single person has to follow the rules: check. Two worlds: magic and industrial. Motorcycle with sidecar: cool. Motorcycle with sidecar: Transformer. Motorcycle with sidecar: Tesla on auto. Furries, tablets and smartphones: of course. Bento boxes on bullet trains: check. Tokyo Olympics 2020: always showing up in anime. Macy's Parade: saves the day. Purely: Shoujo .  Great story; great flick. Channel your inner high school girl and... check it out.

10-22-2016 Miss Hokusai Japanese feature length cartoon about the painter Hokusai and his family. Nutty Old Man; check. Pre-modern Tokugawa-era soft porn; check. Blind little girl in snowball fight: check. Hookers (sometimes referred to as 'foxy ladies'); check. Dragons; check. Astral projection; check. The movie is much too modest to mention it, but apparently Hokusai may have founded the Slacker Movement. Warning: Japanese films about historical people can be presented as a series of vignettes, without a traditional story arch. In other words, without a beginning, a middle, and an end. If you sat through all three films of the Samurai Trilogy, you know what I mean. There're flicks that I like and everyone else hates. I liked this one, and you'll hate it. Go see it anyway. Relax and enjoy it. It is really very pretty, so you can just ignore the subtitles if the story annoys you. Check it out.

Kizu   Monogatari  1, 2 and 3 Best Line: "Why are you rubbing your cheek against my stomach so dearly?" Runner Up: "And why is my school uniform ripped?" Honorable Mention: "If I can't die for their sake, I don't call a person a friend." Gruesome Grisly Carnage: Check. Trigger Warning : Big Boobs with a 12 year-old face. Trigger Warning : Big Boobs with a 500 year-old face. Boob Fu: I've waited 35 years to write that. Vampires: Check. Trigger Warning : Japanese Teen Love. Kiss Shot: Pure killer, but not in a pool hall. Zonker: Shows his dark side. Sora Nagihara: Comes very close to showing up in the final scene. But doesn't. Trigger Warning : Frustration is a key element of Japanese adolescent erotica. Weird manga graphics that switch back and forth between representational and ideographic styles: Check. Extremely interesting and extremely entertaining (the audience was gasping and howling in places), and in the end, completely incomprehens

In This Corner of the World 8-31-17 War sucks: check. Women and children: always take the worst of it. The color of the sky: touches her heart. Makes a marriage: check. Seasons pass: check. Loses her niece: check. Surrender: check. "I still have my left hand and both legs:" check. Her marriage: survives in this corner of the world. Great storytelling . I was expecting Grave of Fireflies, but this is unique . Check it out .

  One   Piece   Stampede I don't follow  One   Piece , but maybe I should. The protagonist, Monkey D. Loofy, AKA Straw Hat, is a Naruto type, but is a pirate instead of a ninja, and is a lot less married to maintaining a coherent story line. Gorgeous colors on the big screen, catchy soundtrack, absurd story line, and bizarre Engrish (it's also available in dubbed showings) make the whole thing trippy and strangely compelling. Might make a good candidate for enhanced viewing. Maybe 10 seconds of exposition, the rest is pure action. Check it out.

One Cut of the Dead Cute chick on zombie violence: check. Do you have any hobbies? PON!!! Action! The key: Might be in the bag! It's me: Open the door! Action! Don't: Come near me! An axe: Lucky me! What the hell: Follow the Script! Roll: The credits! The greatest movie since: Flamenco Carmen! One half hour: One camera: One cut! Cute chick on zombie violence: check. Do you have any hobbies? PON!!! Action! The key: Might be in the bag! It's me: Open the door! Action! Don't: Come near me! An axe: Lucky me! What the hell: Follow the Script! She gets: Lost in her roles! It wouldn't be a crane shot: Without gym class! Roll: The credits! Roll: The credits! Impossible to really write this one up without spoilers. This is the most fun I've had watching a movie in years, and I can't imagine having more fun at a movie for a long time. Half the audience had seen it at Fantastic Fest last year, and had to come back for this showing. If you like zombie movies: check it o

My Neighbor Totoro Is that our home? Yup. Wtf is in the kitchen: Acorns and galloping dust bunnies. Mom: In the hospital. Waiting for Godot: at the bus stop in the rain. Cat bus: Too cool for words. Cat bus interior: Pimp! Magic Nuts: Jump over the garden. It was a dream: But it wasn't a dream. As good a kid's movie as you'll ever see: check it out on the big screen.

Kiki's Delivery Service (1989) Thirteen years old and leaving home on a broomstick: Check. Talking black cat: Jiji on the make. Transistor radio: Hadn't seen one in years. Black is all she wears: Minimalist sophisticated elegance. Stuffed cat in a birdcage: Nana to the rescue. Herring and pumpkin pie: FedEx it. I'm losing my powers: Straighten up and fly right. Hindenburg Disaster: Re-imagined for the Silver Screen. Beautiful story telling. Check it out. Take your daughter.

First Love (2019 Miike Takeshi) Rocky! You must be tired from prison: I've booked you a room in a spa! You're dealing with: A large tumor! Hallucinations: I see people! Don't get blood on my pants: I can't wear them again! For now: I don't think you should go back to work! Dancing-hallucination-in-his-skivvies Fu! I want to see things myself: But I don't want to take drugs! Sword Fu; Gun Fu; Taser Fu! GPS Fu; SUV Fu; General Badassery Fu! Yakuza Fu; Triad Fu! Speed Freak Fu; Captive-girl Fu! How many: Does that make today? Just-Say-No Fu! Nothing-is-as-it-seems, nothing-goes-right, caper/vengeance/sexual-slavery film. Think of written-by Donald Westlake on a tub of bad acid. Raunchy, Extremely violent, Extremely bloody: So a great date pic! Miise Takashi at the very very top of his game--with one of his patented freaky endings. If you are in to this kind of thing, this is the best you will get to see for a while. Check it out! Spoiler: Don't ever let yoursel

Cowboy Bebop: Knockin' on Heaven's Door Spike, Jet, Faye-Faye, Ed, Ein Sama: check. Seatbelts! Smokin' Luckies! Ein Sama: Shogi master. Man needs: Protein. Bean that you can't see: In the Moroccan Quarter. 2070's Mars: Drive-in movies. But tough girls are: My type. Broom Fu, Fire Extinguisher Fu, Monorail Fu: check. I found him! Trick or Treat: Press My reset button. Swordfish race playing rat: Macy's Parade on Halloween. It's not a love story unless: Everyone dies. I'll never understand why I think such dark emotional idealism is an elevated art form. Is there any other kind? No strings left un-pulled. Limited theatrical release. Check it out. Butterflies are: Free!

City Hunter (1993) Wile E Coyote: Played by Jackie Chan. Movie? Real life Looney Tunes. 1960s Batman: Ka Pow!!! Clown Fu; Skateboard Fu; Field Hockey Fu; Cruise Ship Fu; Fog Horn Fu; Boobs Fu; Hamburger Fu; Baccarat Fu; Ricky Jay Fu; Rube Goldberg Fu; Bruce Lee Movie Fu; Micro Computer Fu; Jump Rope Fu; Pole Vault Fu: Rough Sex Fu; Very Rough Sex Fu; Streetfighter 2 Fu (extended version (You Win!!!)). The culmination of 20th Century artistic achievement. Probably the greatest, and the only, T & A Kung Fu Jackie Chan movie. Controversial. You love it or you hate it. Breathtakingly politically incorrect. Check it out.

Castle in the Sky     LaPuta: Island in the sky. Pirates: check. The girl will grow to be like: Mama. Dragonfly cycles; Robot Warrior Fu; Crystal Fu; Dirigible Fu: check. This is a job for a woman: Cover me! A woman's work: Is never done. Flycatcher's nest protected by: Guardian Angel Bot. Pazu, world's greatest action hero: Tarzan Of The Skies. One of the first Ghiblis, and one of the best. If you ever have a chance to see it on the big screen, Check it out!

Wolf Guy (1975), starring Sonny Chiba The tiger is coming: To kill me! Who is: Shinichi Chiba?! Stunts by: Japan Action Club! All 3 members of the Mobs were: Slashed to death! Motorcycle Fu! Knife Fu! Tiger Fu! Wolf Fu! Lick-the-blood-off-the-fingers Fu! Yakuza Fu! Syphilis Fu! Politician Fu! (Hard to distinguish from Syphilis Fu!) 15th-day-of-the-lunar-cycle Fu! More Tiger Fu! Shibaraku Fu! JCIA Fu! Hypnotism Fu! Tomato-juice-blood-transfusion Fu! Werewolf Fu!!! Suck that gut in! Keystone Kop Fu! Katie’s-dying-words Fu! Wolf Howl Fu! Shotgun Fu! Mini-skirted-hillbilly-girl Fu! My name is Taka: I was named after your mother! My name is Taka: And off go my clothes! My name is Taka: Let my body give you some relief! Nursing Memories: Wolf Guy and 1Q84! Miki Fu! Jeep Fu! I think the best Sonny Chiba stuff is when he gets to be funny. This isn’t one of his funnier ones, but it’s still pretty good--on par with, say, Wandering Ginza She-Cat Gambler--Part II, etc. Check it out!