Phat Mack Eyeballs The Flicks

 Kill Bill 1 & 2 Double Feature “Bill, it’s your bab…”: “BangxBang, he shot me down. BangxBang, I hit the ground.” Ding Dong, Avon calling: Nokia, go to your room! Eye patch: Fashion coordinated! Copperhead: Pussy Wagon! 4 years earlier: 4 years later! Lube up with this and: You're good to go! Luckily for her: Boss Matsumoto was a pedophile! Sonny Chiba: Has a beautiful hand! Showdown at the House of Blue Leaves: ZZR vs. FSR. Gogo: One weird looking chick! 5678: Woo Hoo! Charlie Brown and Yellow Velour Tracksuit: Harajuku Kidz! Crazy 88s & Hullabaloo Dancers: Nobody But Me! It’s snowing in the garden: Bloodbath’s Blossom! II (intermission) Caine still has his flute: That was quite a kiss, Daddy! Priceless: Not in El Paso! Johnny Cash: Under the Trailer! Your arm now: Belongs to me! Paula Schultz: May I have a glass of water, please? I am susceptible to flattery: Then came Bronson! Was a fool for a woman: That Pussy died! Bad Daddy: Pan Blanco Bimbo! Bad Mommy: Shogun Assass

Escape From New York David 14? No, Air Force 1: Now we know where Bin Laden got the idea! The survival of the human race: Snake Plissken. 1988? 1997! Master Life Clock: 20:17:03! Twist those wires together: Going down? McHale: They’re coming out of the sewers! I want to meet the Brain: Harold, we were buddies! The Duke of New York: Liberace’s pimpmobile! (Note to editor: OK. The next part was real exciting but it was dark in the theater and I can’t read some of my notes, but this is basically what happens.) Oh no they got the Snake and now they’re using the President as target practice so warm up the choppers we’re moving in but these are Snake's goggles in the briefcase so they figure he’s dead but no! there’s gonna be a cage fight with a big-ass guy with a mustache and Shaft is watching and they’re hitting each other with baseball bats and the weird punk guy gets offed by Harry Dean Stanton as he steals the President but now they have spikes in their bats and garbage can lids for

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) Trigger Warning: Trigger Warnings ! Indiana Jones: Lash LaRue! The Girl Next Door: Slams shooters & gamb00ls! Trigger Warning: Why is the floor moving? Wiggle it at anything that slithers: A radio for talking to God! Now she’s taxiing an airplane with a machine gun: Now he’s on a white Arabian chasing the Nazis! ###We must pause our tale here and ask yet again why there is no Academy Award for stunts. If the Academy wants to be more inclusive, why the **** don’t they include stunt performers? #criminal Bunch of mushy stuff on a boat: Thankfully, he falls asleep before his submarine ride!! The girl has certain value: Savage! Roman Legion: Except they are Hebrew-speaking Nazis on a desert island! Ghostbusters: Close your eyes! Washington D.C.: Fade out! Movie made perfect sense when it first came out. Now, less so. Check it out! [Original soundtrack available on Columbia Records!]