Phat Mack Eyeballs The Flicks

First Love (2019 Miike Takeshi) Rocky! You must be tired from prison: I've booked you a room in a spa! You're dealing with: A large tumor! Hallucinations: I see people! Don't get blood on my pants: I can't wear them again! For now: I don't think you should go back to work! Dancing-hallucination-in-his-skivvies Fu! I want to see things myself: But I don't want to take drugs! Sword Fu; Gun Fu; Taser Fu! GPS Fu; SUV Fu; General Badassery Fu! Yakuza Fu; Triad Fu! Speed Freak Fu; Captive-girl Fu! How many: Does that make today? Just-Say-No Fu! Nothing-is-as-it-seems, nothing-goes-right, caper/vengeance/sexual-slavery film. Think of written-by Donald Westlake on a tub of bad acid. Raunchy, Extremely violent, Extremely bloody: So a great date pic! Miise Takashi at the very very top of his game--with one of his patented freaky endings. If you are in to this kind of thing, this is the best you will get to see for a while. Check it out! Spoiler: Don't ever let yoursel

Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot "Meeting" with beautiful degenerates: check. Gomers: Pretty girls. Wheelchair dancing: why? Would you sit on my face? Apparently so. Jack Black: As the ghost of Boogie Nights. Gymnasts on the lawn: God. Raquel Welch's snatch: God. Hard to say if this was an unsuccessful movie or a successful infomercial. If you like Joaquin Phoenix (I do), wait for TV and check it out. 

Crazy Rich Asians Money: Barrett Strong? Cheryl K! Do get a mop: The floor is wet. Food Porn: check. Bachelorette party on the beach: Bachelor party on a container ship. Number 3: "You will never be enough." Mother and daughter: Stare her down. Be a dear: and take care of that. Rom Com. Sound track outstanding. I can't imagine a movie scene that Michelle Yeoh couldn't dominate. Also, there are three skyscrapers with a ship balanced on top of them. Check it out on date night. Spoiler: Louie Jordan? Grace Chang

Cowboy Bebop: Knockin' on Heaven's Door Spike, Jet, Faye-Faye, Ed, Ein Sama: check. Seatbelts! Smokin' Luckies! Ein Sama: Shogi master. Man needs: Protein. Bean that you can't see: In the Moroccan Quarter. 2070's Mars: Drive-in movies. But tough girls are: My type. Broom Fu, Fire Extinguisher Fu, Monorail Fu: check. I found him! Trick or Treat: Press My reset button. Swordfish race playing rat: Macy's Parade on Halloween. It's not a love story unless: Everyone dies. I'll never understand why I think such dark emotional idealism is an elevated art form. Is there any other kind? No strings left un-pulled. Limited theatrical release. Check it out. Butterflies are: Free!

City Hunter (1993) Wile E Coyote: Played by Jackie Chan. Movie? Real life Looney Tunes. 1960s Batman: Ka Pow!!! Clown Fu; Skateboard Fu; Field Hockey Fu; Cruise Ship Fu; Fog Horn Fu; Boobs Fu; Hamburger Fu; Baccarat Fu; Ricky Jay Fu; Rube Goldberg Fu; Bruce Lee Movie Fu; Micro Computer Fu; Jump Rope Fu; Pole Vault Fu: Rough Sex Fu; Very Rough Sex Fu; Streetfighter 2 Fu (extended version (You Win!!!)). The culmination of 20th Century artistic achievement. Probably the greatest, and the only, T & A Kung Fu Jackie Chan movie. Controversial. You love it or you hate it. Breathtakingly politically incorrect. Check it out.

Castle in the Sky     LaPuta: Island in the sky. Pirates: check. The girl will grow to be like: Mama. Dragonfly cycles; Robot Warrior Fu; Crystal Fu; Dirigible Fu: check. This is a job for a woman: Cover me! A woman's work: Is never done. Flycatcher's nest protected by: Guardian Angel Bot. Pazu, world's greatest action hero: Tarzan Of The Skies. One of the first Ghiblis, and one of the best. If you ever have a chance to see it on the big screen, Check it out!

Burning Phone rings in the middle of the night: Nobody there. I want to vanish: Like I never existed. I have a bad feeling: His bathroom looks the same as a hotel’s. Why does everybody smoke as though: They were German Colonels in WWII movies? Dancing from The Bush to The Disco: Gangnam Style! Naked chick dancing to the newly waxing moon: I hate it when they shave under their arms. William Faulkner: The ghost in the room. William Faulkner: Take barn burning, stand it on its head, then turn it inside out. Stone in her heart/lost in a well: Where have we heard this before? Spoiler:      Are you sure? Don't click if you haven't seen it...           Spoiler:                Knife Fu; Zippo Fu: Barn-Burning Fu. Great flick, maybe the best this year. Stunningly and evocatively photographed. I don’t see many, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bad Korean movie. Based on a Murakami story -- it doesn’t have a talking giant frog, but it still works. Hope it finds an audience. Sometimes ex