Alphaville (1965)

Spike Spigel? Sinatra of the Seine!* 

Ford Galaxie: Portrayed by Ford Mustang! 

Snap-brim Fedora: Check!

Trench Coat: Played by London Fog.

Zippo: Portrayed by Himself!

Internet: Portrayed by Alpha--60!

Colt Commander: Portrayed by Rando Automatic!

Cameo appearances by: Paul Éluard and Jorge Luis Borges!

I could take a bath with you: I’m big enough to find my own girls!

Her name was Beatrice: She was a Level 3 Seductress: Listen, Princess!

Natacha: Doesn’t notice all the flash bulbs!

“There are usually 50 men to one woman executed.”

“But what have they done?”

“They behaved illogically.”

Shed a tear: Water Ballet!

Thrash dancing in the elevator: Because that’s forbidden!

What is the privilege of the dead?

Professors Heckel and Jeckel: Your tendency to dwell on the past might be useful to us.

We send brain-washed agitators to other galaxies: We send brain-washed alligators!

French girls have beautiful asses. This is made clear when they take off their clothes: Problematic as a feminest manifesto!

Beautiful shots of the power grid!

Perhaps the greatest lines of dialogue in all cinema:

“Are you going up?”

“No, I'm going to polish my shoes.”

Coffee: With a short dog of Vat 69!

Intersidereal space: Don’t look back!

Natacha’s greatest role since: The Last Angry Moose!**

French movies fail when broaching serious subjects, yet often succeed when ridiculing the French. It can be difficult to tell which they are trying to do.

While the French entitled Noir, they could never reproduce it. They never understood that it wasn’t intended to be silly (setting aside the work of the greatest French actor of modern times, Peter Sellers).

When Lemmy Caution, Secret Agent Number 003, lights his Zippo by shooting it, we know something is up.

The worst movie ever made. There is no other word than Masterpiece. Holds up well in its own way. I loved every minute of it. One of Mari Asai’s favorite flicks***. Check it out.

*Alliteration. Covered next semester.

** There are absolutely no words to describe: How beautiful Anna Karina is.

*** Mari says, “You know, I’ve been wanting to ask you. Why do you call your hotel Alphaville?” 

“Hmm, I wonder. The boss probably named it. All love hos have these crazy names. I mean, they’re just for men and women to come and do their stuff. All you need is a bed and a bathtub. Nobody gives a damn about the name as long as it sounds like a love ho. Why do you ask?”

“Alphaville is the title of one of my favorite movies. Jean-Luc Godard.” 

“Never heard of it.”

 “Yeah, it’s really old. From the sixties.”